Loves Speedos

Things happen very fast. You can have an idea Tuesday and BAM! one week later you’re connecting with an Olympic athlete. You gotta commit. Go big or go home. In no time you’ll be an Olymipian.

Tuesday, 10:36pm
Glamorously watching TV in my living room. Choking up at every Olympic Games commercial about how much the athletes love their mothers. Why? Why must you yank my heart strings, P&G? That’s not even right.

Then it hit me. I want to go swimming, too.

My kids take lessons at the local pool. I know how to swim. This is exercise. My shoulders are going to be so ripped.

10:38pm
Time to make it official.
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I sorta forgot I come from a family of swimmers. They all live far away, and to be fair, no one really swims when we see them. We just tool around with floaties and margaritas. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Apparently it’s called a flip turn. Also, feeling pretty bad. IMG_6882

It’s okay, Mom, I’m about to make it up to you.

Wednesday 10:12pm
Ordering a swim cap and radical goggles.

Friday 5:05pm
It’s on.IMG_6874[1]

Saturday 7:00am
I’m so pumped. This swim is going to be epic. I think I’ll get dressed right away even though we aren’t going to the pool until 10.

My mom’s hand-me-down Speedo swimsuit CHECK
Radical goggles CHECK
My sweet new swim cap CHECK

8:27am
I have no idea what I’m doing.
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9:06am
It better stop raining. Not even kidding. Been in my outfit since 7:45.
Okay I lied. It was 7:00, and it was a full hour before my husband even woke up to see me.

9:38am
Stopped raining. Better start googling some videos about swimming laps.

10:00am
I arrive at the pool. Come at me, six old ladies! Oh crap, they’re coming at me.

My oldest kid heads off to his swim lesson in the deep end while I meet a friend and her family in the shallow end. This won’t be embarrassing with a friend.

Today is the first time I’ve ever seen anyone using the only lap lane. I can’t go in the lap lane if that lady is in the lap lane. What if I’m so fast I fly right past her and then poop out half way to the other side and she has to rescue me? What if we get to the same side and I have to make awkward conversation? She’s wearing the same swim cap as me. I won’t be able to stop myself from saying, “Hey I like your swim cap,” and pointing at mine. She’s going to think I’m a total moron who can’t swim and should not be allowed in the lap lane. This is so embarrassing.

We decide to just go next to the lap lane.

Here come the old ladies again.

Off we go. Stroke stroke stroke breathe. Stroke stroke stroke breathe. Wow I feel just like the video. This is amazing. Stroke stroke stroke breathe. I can’t breathe. Oh crap am I doing CARDIO?!? Noooooooo!

We arrive at the other end of the pool, thankfully, at the same time. Hanging on to the edge I struggle to catch my breath. We made it. This is amazing. I think we deserve a five minute break. In fact, let’s just tool around on this side and have a margarita on a floatie.

11:00am
My shoulders explode off my body and fly into the atmosphere.

12:19pm
Checking in so no one thinks I’m floating face-down in the water.
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Sunday 9:30am
Honey, this was such a great experience. I think I’m going to try to swim a couple times this week. Let’s look over our calendar and make a plan. This is going to be so much fun. Swimming is totally healthy. Low impact. It’s even a cardio workout. Who knew? Amazing. Let’s start digging a pool. I love this.

11:20pm
Horrified watching the Olympics. Not one of these swimmers can breathe when they get out. They are all talking about pushing through the pain. What was I thinking? This sport is crazy. I can’t go back there.

Today (Monday) 10:13pm
Choking up watching Michael Phelps and his brand new three month old. OMG we are sooooo connected. I’m totally meant to be a swimmer.

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Thanks so much for stopping by! What’s your least favorite form of exercise? Feel free to post your comments and ideas below. Follow all of our adventures on Facebook and Instagram.

 

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