Ready to rumble with my Fitbit and my Easter balloon. Are you intimidated?
You should be.
There is something enticing about a competitive trend. The feeling you get when you crush your friends and frenemies to a pulp. The competition is cutthroat. I must triumph! Take down the leader of the pack. Primitive instinct kicks in. Blood pumping hot through my veins. Hair standing on end. Moblile phone in hand. I WALK.
My spring athletic adventure: Fitbit. I had to do it. Everyone I knew was tracking every step they took in order to compete against their friends, family, and complete strangers. I finally broke down and bought one. It was time. I’d been mulling it over for at least a day or two. Plus, you know… the call of the wild.
I was ready.
I put on my Fitbit and sat on my ass for a week. My baseline was 5k steps. I thought that was pretty darn good.
Then I was invited to my first competition.
My cousin invited me to a comp with her … coworkers? friends? knitting circle? I didn’t ask. That’s one of the great things about Fitbit. No one talks to anyone. You’re just there to compete.
I. Was. Hooked.
These girls were KILLING IT. My goal was just to reach 10k a couple times. These people were hitting 20, 30k a day! I knew, then, I had entered the four stages of Fitbit Addiction.
STAGE 1: Experimentation
How does this thing work? I’ll add the app to all of my devices so I can really check it out. I’ll just wear it for a few days and see where I’m at. Oh I’m at the bottom of the leader board. Some of my friends are pretty active. I wonder how many steps I can get if I work out tomorrow by seven? Look at me; I’m moving up!
STAGE 2: Obsession
I started hitting the gym every morning. At first I was happy if I was half way to my goal by noon. Then I wanted five thousand steps by 10am. Then it needed to be 7k or I’d never make it to twenty thousand by the end of the day. I would do anything to get my steps in.
I researched advice for sedentary individuals:
– Park far away. Check. Last spot in the lot is always open.
– Exercise Daily. Check. Minimum hour at they gym on the treadmill. I feel like a gerbil, but yoga and spin don’t count.
– Be active with your family. Check. Not only are we going to the playground but I’m going to drag you kids in the wagon from the last parking space and take the long way through the park, and after this we are going to walk up and down every aisle at the grocery store even though we just need bananas and milk. Then, I will chase you in an endless game of tag followed by running suicides across the kitchen while boiling the spaghetti. Quality time.
When that didn’t work I ran laps around my living room at night. Twenty steps up, twenty steps back. Checking the stats every few minutes to make sure I was gaining on my competitors. It’s cool. I only need to do it 300 times before midnight.
I had more screenshots of the fitbit app than pictures of my children. People remarked at how motivated I was as I swung my left arm wildly, deftly maneuvering a stroller with only one hand. Best of all I was winning award after award, hitting my step goal every single day.
That little buzz you get. That’s everything.
STAGE 3: Overwhelm
My competitor list had grown from about twenty to over a hundred extremely active strangers when I added my name to a website list. “Hey everyone 🙂 🙂 🙂 Totally obsessed with my Fitbit! Add me for the Workweek Hustle **Woo Hoo** Let’s kick butt together! Rah Rah! Yay Exercise!”
I was inundated with requests. Emails flooded my inbox. My phone pinged constantly. I had to limit myself to two daily comps and two weekly or else risk turning into a total cell phone zombie between syncing my steps and stalking the leader board. There was so much to keep track of.
Am I meeting my goal? Is my goal set high enough to beat your goal? If I hit my goal plus and extra 7k steps tomorrow maybe I can edge you out for second place, but I’d have to hit my goal and get an extra 12k to get to first place. I can’t let you beat me again this week. How can I get an extra 12k? 100 steps walking is ten minutes, 120 steps running, so if I run for…
It was too much.
STAGE 4: Exhaustion
Running around the house is boring. My knees hurt. I think I’ll just skip Sunday. Ugh stop emailing me. Update settings; unsubscribe. Oh there I go down the list. Ho hum. I don’t care. Whatever. Never mind.
In the wild, “after eating a big meal, it is possible for a lion to sleep a full 24 hours.” The hunt was complete. I’d consumed the Fitbit and everything it had to offer. There was nothing left but the carcass. I laid it down and went to sleep.
Now they stare at me, blank faced and uncharged, from a small, cluttered graveyard next to my desk where they rest with dry pens, unsharpened pencils, discarded journals, and various chargers. The thrill of the hunt has passed.
*Quote from https://www.reference.com/pets-animals/long-lions-sleep-7823cbbff913083. Totally reliable. I found it on the internet. It must be true.
Thanks so much for stopping by! Which of your fitness tools collect the most dust? Feel free to post your comments and ideas below. Follow all of our adventures on Facebook and Instagram.